"Why did you have to tell her?" Katie asked tonight referring to Jessie.
"Because she needed to know, I replied
"how long have you known?" I asked
"A long time. Longer than you" was the answer. It. hit. me. hard.
I haven't blogged in a long, long time and this blog was never setup or intended to cover such hurt. But quite frankly, I'm not sure where to turn or if anyone at all ever reads this blog anymore, so maybe that's good, but I need to get some of this out, before i melt completely away in my tears.
David wants to end our marriage. I think that says it all. His reasoning... he's not happy and doesn't feel he can fulfill his live if we remain married. I can't stop it. He won't try marriage counseling, he doesn't want to try (even for the sake of our daughters), he just wants out.
Katie's comment to me tonight confirmed what I've known (but what he firmly denied to me the other day) that he has been prepping and priming Katie for months.
For the last two weeks I've broken down almost daily several times in tears. It doesn't feel good have so much shit raining down on top of you and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
I'm trying hard to be the donkey in the story that my Aunt shared with me a few weeks ago. The story is about an old donkey that farmer through down an abandoned well so he could rid himself of the pesky creature. Thinking the donkey would surely die, the farmer dumped the manure from the stables into the well almost daily. The donkey at the bottom would feel the manure falling on his back and instead of giving up, he shake his back off and stomp the manure under his feet.
He kept this up for several months, each time stomping down a little bit more below his feet and low and behold, one day he stomped enough mature underneath him, to be able to crawl out of the well.
I know I'll make through the next couple months and will eventually emerge from this avalanche of crap coming at me right now. It hurts so bad and it's hard for me to see that far ahead, but please lord help me get there quickly, cause being the donkey at the bottom of the well feels like hell.
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Thursday, April 29, 2010
Ava
Ever since Fritz past away a few months ago, we've been telling the girls that we would *begin* the search for a new family member once David and I returned from our trip from Greece. Katie compiled the list of desired traits this morning (less than 12 hrs after our deplaning) ...
... and by 4pm, we brought Ava home :)
Ava
Ever since Fritz past away a few months ago, we've been telling the girls that we would *begin* the search for a new family member once David and I returned from our trip from Greece. Katie compiled the list of desired traits this morning (less than 12 hrs after our deplaning) ...
... and by 4pm, we brought Ava home :)
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Sunday, November 15, 2009
Fritz
Today at 3 pm, we’ll be saying goodbye to dear family friend. Fritz arrived in our household 16 years ago, when David brought him home from the shelter – 4 lbs of tan fur and face that captured your heart in ten seconds. As I recall I was a bit miffed that David picked up a long hair dog, but it didn’t take long for my irritation to dissipate. Fritz sweetness and good nature more then made up for the frequent vacuuming.
When Beans passed away five years ago (can’t believe it’s been that long) I was sure we would loose Fritz within a year. Bonded together as best friends, they were inseparable. Best mates and great friends.
But I was wrong about the “old man.” His resiliency gave him a new life and in the past couple of years he’s grown even more dear to our family as his slow decline showed us how to appreciate life even more – life doesn’t get much better then a warm sunny spot on the carpet and dog dreams of past conquests.
David was amazing last night as he laid out path for the girls. They both said their good-byes this morning – quite grown-up and assuring I might add. I know it’s been a difficult day for them at school as well.
So today, we’re saying good-bye. It’s the last gift we can give a great companion and friend. God, please take good care of our beloved Fritz. He deserves the very best.
Fritz
Today at 3 pm, we’ll be saying goodbye to dear family friend. Fritz arrived in our household 16 years ago, when David brought him home from the shelter – 4 lbs of tan fur and face that captured your heart in ten seconds. As I recall I was a bit miffed that David picked up a long hair dog, but it didn’t take long for my irritation to dissipate. Fritz sweetness and good nature more then made up for the frequent vacuuming.When Beans passed away five years ago (can’t believe it’s been that long) I was sure we would loose Fritz within a year. Bonded together as best friends, they were inseparable. Best mates and great friends.
But I was wrong about the “old man.” His resiliency gave him a new life and in the past couple of years he’s grown even more dear to our family as his slow decline showed us how to appreciate life even more – life doesn’t get much better then a warm sunny spot on the carpet and dog dreams of past conquests.
David was amazing last night as he laid out path for the girls. They both said their good-byes this morning – quite grown-up and assuring I might add. I know it’s been a difficult day for them at school as well.
So today, we’re saying good-bye. It’s the last gift we can give a great companion and friend. God, please take good care of our beloved Fritz. He deserves the very best.
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Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Jess’ first meal
At seven she’s finally reading cookbooks so we’re learning to cook meals from scratch. What was Jessie’s selection for her first meal? homemade mac-n-cheese, what else!
Jess’ first meal
At seven she’s finally reading cookbooks so we’re learning to cook meals from scratch. What was Jessie’s selection for her first meal? homemade mac-n-cheese, what else!
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Monday, January 05, 2009
There's a first for everything ... but at seven?
When the phone rang last night at just a few minutes before dinner, David answer it while I served up chili. “Yes, she is. May ask who's calling?” My immediate reaction to his inquiry conjured up a mental response to some telemarketer, who I anticipated waited for my voice to say hello.
Imagine my surprise when David handed the phone to little Jess “who is she asked?” “It's Chad?” David replied, not sure if he had heard right and then gave me that look that only us parents can understand.
We let the conversation – that is what little there was. Jess seemed to be doing a lot listening – go on for a minute or two and then i reminded her that dinner was on.
“Chad, I need to go know now for dinner. I will talk with tomorrow. Bye” came out of her mouth very authoritatively and when we questioned her at the dinner table she seemed unphased by the call.
Hench, the first phone call from a boy. We knew it would happen one day... eventually. But age seven? Yikes.
There's a first for everything ... but at seven?
When the phone rang last night at just a few minutes before dinner, David answer it while I served up chili. “Yes, she is. May ask who's calling?” My immediate reaction to his inquiry conjured up a mental response to some telemarketer, who I anticipated waited for my voice to say hello.
Imagine my surprise when David handed the phone to little Jess “who is she asked?” “It's Chad?” David replied, not sure if he had heard right and then gave me that look that only us parents can understand.
We let the conversation – that is what little there was. Jess seemed to be doing a lot listening – go on for a minute or two and then i reminded her that dinner was on.
“Chad, I need to go know now for dinner. I will talk with tomorrow. Bye” came out of her mouth very authoritatively and when we questioned her at the dinner table she seemed unphased by the call.
“Who was that Jess?”
“Chad”
“What did he call about?”
“I don't know”
“Well why did you think he called you?”
“Well, he likes Molly and I think Molly was at dance.”
“He called you because Molly was dance?”
“Yeah. He likes to talk.”
Hench, the first phone call from a boy. We knew it would happen one day... eventually. But age seven? Yikes.
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Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Melt my …
Overheard tonight at bedtime:
Even at seven, they constantly find ways to melt your heart.
Melt my …
Overheard tonight at bedtime:
Jess “It is always be like this, Papa?”
David: “What do you mean, Jess?”
Jess: “You and momma loving me?”
Even at seven, they constantly find ways to melt your heart.
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Monday, October 27, 2008
"The Talk"
I knew it was over due even as we sat down to talk. But opportunities for a quality chat alone with Katie aren’t as easy as they should be when a younger sibling Jessie is constantly around.
Saturday morning provided a perfect backdrop with a few hours alone with Katie and while she was still in good spirits and the conversation seemed ripe, I thought I’d take the opportunity to find out what she’d already gleamed (and still needed to know) about the birds & bees.
“ Are you going to give me the talk?” was the first question out of her mouth. It was hard to keep from laughing, but I managed to keep – mostly -- a straight face. According to the book of Katie, her current knowledge was limited (which I took as a good thing) Sex meant “hot mamas dancing” and babies came from tummies and were made by God. She wasn’t all wrong there, but it was clear that the finer points in between were still a mystery.
Anyway, our conversation was a good one peppered with a good sampling of “yucks” and “that’s gross.” I assured her that her thinking at her age was right on target, but wanted to make sure she understood in case anyone tried to convince her before she was a grown-up adult ( & married) that it was anything otherwise.
To be honest the “talk” was nearly as hard as I thought it might be. In a way I think that it means that we both were ready for it ... yup, another milestone in the mother/ daughter life cycle.
"The Talk"
I knew it was over due even as we sat down to talk. But opportunities for a quality chat alone with Katie aren’t as easy as they should be when a younger sibling Jessie is constantly around.
Saturday morning provided a perfect backdrop with a few hours alone with Katie and while she was still in good spirits and the conversation seemed ripe, I thought I’d take the opportunity to find out what she’d already gleamed (and still needed to know) about the birds & bees.
“ Are you going to give me the talk?” was the first question out of her mouth. It was hard to keep from laughing, but I managed to keep – mostly -- a straight face. According to the book of Katie, her current knowledge was limited (which I took as a good thing) Sex meant “hot mamas dancing” and babies came from tummies and were made by God. She wasn’t all wrong there, but it was clear that the finer points in between were still a mystery.
Anyway, our conversation was a good one peppered with a good sampling of “yucks” and “that’s gross.” I assured her that her thinking at her age was right on target, but wanted to make sure she understood in case anyone tried to convince her before she was a grown-up adult ( & married) that it was anything otherwise.
To be honest the “talk” was nearly as hard as I thought it might be. In a way I think that it means that we both were ready for it ... yup, another milestone in the mother/ daughter life cycle.
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Monday, September 15, 2008
Crafty
Just when I thought I had been exposed to every summer camp craft imaginable… Katie brings home a new one ...
Crafty
Just when I thought I had been exposed to every summer camp craft imaginable… Katie brings home a new one ...
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Sunday, August 03, 2008
Summer Reading
The Rainbow Magic books are the rave this summer. Between Harriet the Hamster Fairy and Sophie the Sapphire Fairy, the girls are determined to read every one of the rainbow, weather, jewel, pet and fun day fairies books that Scholastic has published Kathryn tells me in that there are currently 36 titles in total. So far I think both girls have tactical 12 or 13 of them, but with several weeks still left to the summer, I think they just might meet their goal.
Photo: Girls searching the shelfs for new series titles.
Summer Reading
The Rainbow Magic books are the rave this summer. Between Harriet the Hamster Fairy and Sophie the Sapphire Fairy, the girls are determined to read every one of the rainbow, weather, jewel, pet and fun day fairies books that Scholastic has published Kathryn tells me in that there are currently 36 titles in total. So far I think both girls have tactical 12 or 13 of them, but with several weeks still left to the summer, I think they just might meet their goal.Photo: Girls searching the shelfs for new series titles.
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Saturday, July 12, 2008
Update & New Focus
It’s been far to long since I’ve written anything here and to be honest a) I don’t like that and b) I miss it. One of things I’m trying determine to do this summer is simply my life so that I have more time me… my family … and my desire to make a difference in my life. My work is very fulfilling and I’ve been extremely lucky in the “make a difference” department of my career. In fact “luck” has taken me literally from being an unknown to the recipient of a national award (which I’m flying out to get in CA next week).
In the back of my mind, I know it’s more then luck that has propelled my career to where it is today and I’m guess I’m just saying that I want to propel a few other things right now … highest among them is me.
Since I’m a list maker, I thought I’d create a short list of things to concentrate on this summer. It’s not a definitive list, but it’s a start of things I’d like to accomplish to help me get back to sense of “me” and “us”
... archives
Update & New Focus
It’s been far to long since I’ve written anything here and to be honest a) I don’t like that and b) I miss it. One of things I’m trying determine to do this summer is simply my life so that I have more time me… my family … and my desire to make a difference in my life. My work is very fulfilling and I’ve been extremely lucky in the “make a difference” department of my career. In fact “luck” has taken me literally from being an unknown to the recipient of a national award (which I’m flying out to get in CA next week).
In the back of my mind, I know it’s more then luck that has propelled my career to where it is today and I’m guess I’m just saying that I want to propel a few other things right now … highest among them is me.
Since I’m a list maker, I thought I’d create a short list of things to concentrate on this summer. It’s not a definitive list, but it’s a start of things I’d like to accomplish to help me get back to sense of “me” and “us”
- Read through the rest of Naria book series as family. We read the Lion, Witch & Wardrobe last year and it would be fun to complete the series together.
- Teach Kathryn how to cook while at the same time improving my skills.
- Create a list of family day trips and mark off two or three every month.
- Revise the “family heirloom” project I started a few years back.
And last but not least … - Update and print out pages for the a.i.p book (this blog) for the girls.
... archives
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